


Weighed Down

by CawCawAJ



Category: Star Wars: Jedi: Fallen Order (Video Game)
Genre: Alien Cal, Alternate Universe - Aliens, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Gen, a little ooc, alien/human hybrid
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-22
Updated: 2020-01-22
Packaged: 2021-02-27 13:01:39
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 482
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22357609
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CawCawAJ/pseuds/CawCawAJ
Summary: Some days are easier than others, to bear the weight of being a fugitive Jedi and a Dalsav Human hybrid.Cal finds, however, this is not one of those days.(HUMAN/ALIEN HYBRID CAL KESTIS AU)
Relationships: Cal Kestis & Jaro Tapal
Comments: 1
Kudos: 26





	Weighed Down

**Author's Note:**

> I have had three mental breakdowns complete with ugly sobbing and hitting myself the past week thanks to school so I decided to sit down and write whatever came to mind. One of the things that came to mind was how, at least in the video games I've seen and of course in the movies, the primary star wars characters focused on are usually human (save for Yoda) in the storyline. I thought about "what if our main protagonist wasn't human? Or not completely at least".
> 
> That coupled with me being a mentally unsound person right now, I decided to write this REALLY short piece. I have no idea if I'll pick it back up, maybe, maybe not. I have so many other stories I need to update and finish first.
> 
> Dalsav isn't a race of aliens in star wars, at least not by what I found. I just made it up for the sake of the story, and if it's a little confusing: the cuff Cal wears that keeps getting referenced is what he uses to appear human since Dalsav aren't a very well-liked or popular race pretty much anywhere.

Some days, it's easier to bear the weight of the cuff and what it stands for. Other days, it's a painful reminder of many things that Cal Kestis doesn't want to remember.

Today is one of the days where it hurts to think about it. He can't do anything about it, other than cover the mechanical structure in thick linen and hope that nobody catches a glimpse of what's underneath. As usual, nobody does, or nobody cares. He still takes no chances.

Trust no one, trust only in the force, and blend in. It's what he does, even if some days the weight of the world, of his past, of himself, is almost too much to bear. 

He looks to Prauf. It's been a good day, better than some. He pretends to listen to what the other says, only engaging in conversation when it's needed for him to appear to be invested. He doesn't want to let Prauf on to the fact that he's bothered. The questions are what follows when suspicion is raised.

It's times like this, in public setting when he's already feeling uneasy that he wants to shrink in on himself and disappear. Paranoia tears at him tenfold and he doesn't know if the Dug sitting at a table a good distance away keeps looking at him because he's a Jedi or because he's a Dalsav.

But then, he remembers himself and realizes he had almost dropped something on that Dug's head while they were working today. He's probably just burning over that. Still, Cal makes sure he's still somewhat aware of his presence. 

"Cal? You listening?"

No, he wasn't. He turns to Prauf and fakes a grin, giving off some distraction excuse. Five years in hiding from the Empire and a lifetime in hiding from the world provides some degree of lying skill.

The cuff is still heavy, as is the guilt, but it's something he endures. Dryly, he chuckles under his breath at the thought. He never would've been a Jedi, not a good one at least. He felt too much for a Jedi, and he couldn't let it go.

He can't help but wonder if his Master knew that or not when he took him under his wing. He was one of the only masters to know about Cal... So did he know that he would've never been able to turn away his emotions for good? He'll never know the answer to that now, though. His master's been gone for a long time.

He holds a brave face when his poisonous brain asks the question: _"Would your Master still be alive if it wasn't for a darkling like you? Little Dalsav?"_

He doesn't think about it again for the rest of the day, and he doesn't let himself dwell on the fact that yes, Master Jaro would never have died if it hadn't been for him.


End file.
